Dun dun duuuun!

This post is a direct bounce-back from a previous one I wrote. I seriously suggest you read that one *first* before you read this one. Okay? Great.

Hello!

So, with the knowledge that you've read the last post, let's get stuck into this whole shocker that my mind just gave me.

Let me start off with this; a little bit of a frame for you to hang all of this, if you will. I happen to be one of those people that are just a bit... different. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because I'm left-handed or Gay or was the third boy birthed from my mother -- again, I don't know.

But I'm definitely not like the other kids.



So, anyway, today I went for a couple of bike rides and really started to get myself moving in this beautiful (and no doubt fleeting) weather we're currently having in Englandshire. Strangely (or perhaps not), I exercise more when it's coupled with a tang of guilt. Well, perhaps more than guilt. Any stingy, swirly, negative emotion, really.

Though I've been reluctant to really recognise it, I've been feeling... odd. And not general Matt-odd. Like, mood-swing odd. Bad odd. I hadn't been able to put my finger on it until only a few minutes ago -- perhaps an hour ago by now -- why. With all the stuff that's been going on with my mind remembering people from the past, I guess it was bound to happen.

"What's bound to happen? What?"

Like so many of us humans, I glossed over the fact that while my mind was dredging up old friendships and whatnot, emotional stuff was also being churned out simultaneously. I, of course, happened to forget this. So out came all of this emotional stuff that I was so determined to ignore. A natural extension of that, then, was to push it all back down to the emotional depths I had last stuffed it all. It just wasn't working this time. Not one bit.

What happened next, though, really made me stop.

So there I was, on my Tweetdeck, listening to a bit of Lily Allen on the 'tube (that's YouTube, not The Underground). I checked my @replies; for those of you who don't know, @replies are short 'updates' directed at someone in particular: "@Burnt_feet You're an awesome kid!". What did I see? That certain Floridian (seriously, what's the word for a person that lives in Florida?!) had sent me a message.

BAM. All of these odder-than-odd feelings rolled in.

I was getting reeeal tired of all of this all by now. Lily wasn't working. Friends re-runs weren't working. I was so fed up with these mood swings and random emotion splurges that I stopped and squarely asked myself, in my head:

"Why does this guy make me feel like this?"

You won't believe what echoed back. Well, maybe you will. Regardless: psychologists, psychotherapists and psychiatrists, get your pens poised!

"Because he embodies everything you think you'll never be. Everything you wish you were."

Sh*t.