Listen to the Trees

I was initially torn between writing a post regarding, 'How Strange some People can be', but, after some thought, decided upon the above. Just so you know, this post is a revelationy response to this previous one. I recommend you read that one first, and then move onto this one. I don't; really know how long this one is going to go on for, but don't worry, it gets good. ;-)

So, 30 minutes ago I was out on a bike ride (something I frequently do when the weather is nice or I need to 'reflect'), and had been pondering on bits and bobs of little consequence. Eventually, I found myself on the top of a certain wooded-hill that over the years I have taken an increasing fondness for. It was along this little stretch of road that the trees gave me the message*.

Before I tell you my little (well, actually, perhaps quite big) revelation, please let me give you some insight. A few months ago an English teacher of mine was giving my class a rant/story about a holiday he had been on a long time in the past. He told us about how he was in the shower, and was casually showering in the sun (as it was an enclosed shower with no roof in some tropical country) when, to his surprise, he saw a lizard on the side of the shower.

Without any alarm or startled response, both him and this lizard simpy watched each other for some time before the gecko walked off somewhere. This gecko came back day after day, minding his own business, before then plodding off. And he learnt something from the gecko. He learnt to be more 'gecko'. That is, to stop worrying about things and to just be, just do and just get on with things. Not in a 'stoned' way, but in a 'stop worrying' way.

For me, though, this just didn't work. It may have been that that lesson was a less-than-lovely one or that I've never really been into lizards -- or anything. Regardless, it just didn't work. So, naturally, I semi-brushed it aside.

So there I was, riding along that road, when the message sprung from a tree. I was peddling away when I looked upwards at the underside of a couple of long, leaf-filled branches. I looked down, and it had been delivered.


A tree doesn't worry about growing or being, it just does. It just is.

And so, then, that suddenly applied itself to my situation without any type of conscious thought whatsoever.

Stop worrying about where you might be going, and just go there.

And you know what? I think I just might.



*I'm not crazy!

My 'things I want to do/achieve' List!

Let's be honest. I've never been the type of person to know where I'm going in life. Try as I might to organise myself and educate myself on the love that is 'Time Management', I've always fallen back on the old 'meh' attitude. I believe the correct term is 'laziness'. :]

Well, perhaps 'laziness' isn't really the correct term. It's not that I've known what I want to do and where I want to go, and have just gotten bored and not done any of it. No! I've been lucky enough to have never asked myself the question, "Where do I want to go in life?"

Well, until today, of course.

Naturally my mind began to splurge out like one of Tony Buzan's 'Mind Maps'. And, naturally, I came to the answer of, "I don't know where I want to go in life." As you can tell, I'm one for laser-clear understanding of my life!

But, then, through the fog, another question floated in: "What would you really like to do?"

AHA! Somehow, magically, real answers started to seep into that mind of mine. Here's what I came up with. Don't laugh. :)

(You can either read my goals on this page, or go here to see the real version of them!)

Things I want to do/achieve!

• Learn a martial art.

• Learn cursive script.

• Learn shorthand.

• Write a book or a long story.

• Find content for my body (whatever that means...)

• Stop getting angry and/or judging people.

• Make a real difference in someone's life with my counselling skills (aside: my school gave me 'peer counsellor' training and I got some from 'Childline', too).

• Get a sun tan (aside: I'm quite a pale individual and have never been apt to sun).

• Write a letter to an MP and get / create a real response.

Quite a selection, no? A fellow blogger has this neat thing where she lists all of her goals and shows how well she's doing. I love the idea and want to try it out myself. Watch this space!

Finally, as I hate not letting my life give you an insight into yours (as esoteric as it sounds!), I wonder:

What would you really like to do?

Dun dun duuuun!

This post is a direct bounce-back from a previous one I wrote. I seriously suggest you read that one *first* before you read this one. Okay? Great.

Hello!

So, with the knowledge that you've read the last post, let's get stuck into this whole shocker that my mind just gave me.

Let me start off with this; a little bit of a frame for you to hang all of this, if you will. I happen to be one of those people that are just a bit... different. I don't know why. Perhaps it's because I'm left-handed or Gay or was the third boy birthed from my mother -- again, I don't know.

But I'm definitely not like the other kids.



So, anyway, today I went for a couple of bike rides and really started to get myself moving in this beautiful (and no doubt fleeting) weather we're currently having in Englandshire. Strangely (or perhaps not), I exercise more when it's coupled with a tang of guilt. Well, perhaps more than guilt. Any stingy, swirly, negative emotion, really.

Though I've been reluctant to really recognise it, I've been feeling... odd. And not general Matt-odd. Like, mood-swing odd. Bad odd. I hadn't been able to put my finger on it until only a few minutes ago -- perhaps an hour ago by now -- why. With all the stuff that's been going on with my mind remembering people from the past, I guess it was bound to happen.

"What's bound to happen? What?"

Like so many of us humans, I glossed over the fact that while my mind was dredging up old friendships and whatnot, emotional stuff was also being churned out simultaneously. I, of course, happened to forget this. So out came all of this emotional stuff that I was so determined to ignore. A natural extension of that, then, was to push it all back down to the emotional depths I had last stuffed it all. It just wasn't working this time. Not one bit.

What happened next, though, really made me stop.

So there I was, on my Tweetdeck, listening to a bit of Lily Allen on the 'tube (that's YouTube, not The Underground). I checked my @replies; for those of you who don't know, @replies are short 'updates' directed at someone in particular: "@Burnt_feet You're an awesome kid!". What did I see? That certain Floridian (seriously, what's the word for a person that lives in Florida?!) had sent me a message.

BAM. All of these odder-than-odd feelings rolled in.

I was getting reeeal tired of all of this all by now. Lily wasn't working. Friends re-runs weren't working. I was so fed up with these mood swings and random emotion splurges that I stopped and squarely asked myself, in my head:

"Why does this guy make me feel like this?"

You won't believe what echoed back. Well, maybe you will. Regardless: psychologists, psychotherapists and psychiatrists, get your pens poised!

"Because he embodies everything you think you'll never be. Everything you wish you were."

Sh*t.